Middle of the night thinking...

Okay, so the title is a bit misleading because it isn't the middle of the night at the moment. Beautiful boy has been up all night lately with teething (we have seen a hint of white, but still no tooth through), and this has meant that I have had a lot of time to think about what is going on in the world. It has lead to one main conclusion - I am so confused.

Right, so attachment parenting is the big go again at the moment. The idea that mothers should be at home with their babies all day, breastfeeding past infancy, wearing them close and sleeping in the bed with them. And I totally get this, it doesn't sound too hippy for me or anything! I actually wish that I could embrace this, unfortunately my lifestyle makes this pretty much impossible.

And then we go to the flip side -  mothers not being expected to be at home, not becoming a slave to their children and husband, maintaining careers whilst parenting etc. This also makes sense to me - as a mother, I have found it hard to maintain my own identity and not simply be, "Finn's mum".

The new one I have come across, which isn't parenting related, is a revival of feminism. Women choosing not to wax their eyebrows, rocking the beach with unwaxed bikini lines, refusing to wear make up and not discussing their fashion choices at award ceremonies.

I am so confused! What am I supposed to do? I am a woman who loves my career, my child, and my waxed eyebrows?!

Obviously, fitting in is not my thing. People always go on about standing out, but eventually we all mold ourselves to become part of a current fad. So standing out is not longer about being individual!

Gah - this probably doesn't make sense to anyone except me.

I'm now off to breastfeed my child while sending emails, all of this with my make up on and sitting among unfolded washing. Obviously, I am into embracing all areas of parenting and womanhood!

The perils of dinner time!

So, my darling child is currently doing this AMAZING thing where he refuses to eat. Oh, if it's a bit of cake (yes, we have been to a lot of birthday parties lately) then he will happily eat! But gorgeous, nutritious home cooked purees and fingers foods? No way mate. Not happening.

So below is a picture of my child eating grated cheese for dinner. I did make him carrot and broccoli lovingly simmered in low sodkum beef stock but that was not good enough. Grated cheese it is. Please tell me some of you have this problem as well?!

One of "those" moods!

Tired. Stressed. Anxious. Snappy. Emotional.

That pretty much sums up how I am feeling right now!

Believe it or not, I am holed up in my bedroom like a teenager having a tantrum over, well, nothing. I actually feel like a pimply 15 year old sulking because I didn't get my way. The problem is, I don't really have a right to be acting like this. In fact, I have been getting my way pretty much all day!

My other half and I spent the day shopping for his big boy's birthday tomorrow, spending far too much money. He even bought me a warm jacket for winter, which is very unlike him.

I think it must be the over tiredness getting to me. Now I know how poor little man feels when he hasn't slept for awhile and the smallest thing sets him off! I am also in a bit of a funk because he is currently refusing most bottles coming his way and most of his solids - how is he still smiling?! My  bets are that this is happening because of teething and his snuffly nose, but my God child, do you have any idea how on edge this gets me?! Constantly worrying about dehydration, hunger, his ability to sleep - it really does get too much sometimes! And his naps! How do they go from being lovely and long one day to basically non-existent the next? Today you would have thought he had never been to sleep before the way he battled and screamed with every attempt! News flash kid - you have these every day! And I would love to have a sleep every two and half hours, but society says no!

And poor other half! He hasn't even done anything wrong but I spit tacks at  him every time he tries a conversation! You would have thought that after four years of me he would know not to approach me in these situations, but I know he wants to get to the bottom of it!

Bottom line - I'm hungry, I'm tired, now just leave me the fuck alone!

Promise me we all feel like this sometimes?!

What a week....

You know, sometimes karma is a real bitch. And this week, ladies and gentlemen, it really came back to bite me in the ass.

First of all, I've been doing extra days at work to try and make a bit of money. Little guy comes with me and is perfect. So, there I was expecting a nice big pay and...not all of it went through. There goes my hair appointment.

Second of all, Thursday was the last day of term. This is always a big night out, and I had planned for it for weeks. We were going to an all you can eat and drink pizza place and I was so excited. However, in my excitement I forgot that I am now a mum who barely drinks away from home AND I got really, really, ridiculously drunk and I LOST MY PHONE! I mean, c'mon, my phone is my lifeline! Because my phone case is also a wallet I lost all my cards as well. I am still holding on to hope that someone will find it, see the name on my drivers license and look me up on Facebook.

The lucky part of that is my phone instantly backs up all my photos to Dropbox so I didn't lose any photos of Finn. Please people, make sure that you do that because I would have been devastated if I had lost them.

So, I have taken this as a message from beyond and have decided I need to sort my shit out big time. This means:

• No more attempting to drink copious amounts of wine and parent the next day
• Focusing on important things like getting my weight back down and being fit
• Not eating every piece of chocolate that has crossed my path
• Continue to write this blog so I don't let everything build up in my head and overload my teeny tiny brain

I started off yesterday by going for a run. However, because my other half is off fishing all weekend, this meant running with the pram. Up hills. I lasted one hill and decided to walk up and run down. I can't be too adventurous people. I also got up this morning and went for a run with no pram (don't worry, I didn't leave the baby at home, Mum rescued me) and I ran for half an hour! With the fat dog! So we are doing well!

I have also set myself a goal - to complete the Auckland Half Marathon again. If I have something in sight then I know I can do it. Although I have done it in just under two hours before, I am going to give myself the goal this year just to complete it. Life is so much harder with a baby, and I need to factor that in!

Have a great Easter everybody, roll around in chocolatey goodness and start the diet next week!