Middle of the night thinking...

Okay, so the title is a bit misleading because it isn't the middle of the night at the moment. Beautiful boy has been up all night lately with teething (we have seen a hint of white, but still no tooth through), and this has meant that I have had a lot of time to think about what is going on in the world. It has lead to one main conclusion - I am so confused.

Right, so attachment parenting is the big go again at the moment. The idea that mothers should be at home with their babies all day, breastfeeding past infancy, wearing them close and sleeping in the bed with them. And I totally get this, it doesn't sound too hippy for me or anything! I actually wish that I could embrace this, unfortunately my lifestyle makes this pretty much impossible.

And then we go to the flip side -  mothers not being expected to be at home, not becoming a slave to their children and husband, maintaining careers whilst parenting etc. This also makes sense to me - as a mother, I have found it hard to maintain my own identity and not simply be, "Finn's mum".

The new one I have come across, which isn't parenting related, is a revival of feminism. Women choosing not to wax their eyebrows, rocking the beach with unwaxed bikini lines, refusing to wear make up and not discussing their fashion choices at award ceremonies.

I am so confused! What am I supposed to do? I am a woman who loves my career, my child, and my waxed eyebrows?!

Obviously, fitting in is not my thing. People always go on about standing out, but eventually we all mold ourselves to become part of a current fad. So standing out is not longer about being individual!

Gah - this probably doesn't make sense to anyone except me.

I'm now off to breastfeed my child while sending emails, all of this with my make up on and sitting among unfolded washing. Obviously, I am into embracing all areas of parenting and womanhood!

The perils of dinner time!

So, my darling child is currently doing this AMAZING thing where he refuses to eat. Oh, if it's a bit of cake (yes, we have been to a lot of birthday parties lately) then he will happily eat! But gorgeous, nutritious home cooked purees and fingers foods? No way mate. Not happening.

So below is a picture of my child eating grated cheese for dinner. I did make him carrot and broccoli lovingly simmered in low sodkum beef stock but that was not good enough. Grated cheese it is. Please tell me some of you have this problem as well?!

One of "those" moods!

Tired. Stressed. Anxious. Snappy. Emotional.

That pretty much sums up how I am feeling right now!

Believe it or not, I am holed up in my bedroom like a teenager having a tantrum over, well, nothing. I actually feel like a pimply 15 year old sulking because I didn't get my way. The problem is, I don't really have a right to be acting like this. In fact, I have been getting my way pretty much all day!

My other half and I spent the day shopping for his big boy's birthday tomorrow, spending far too much money. He even bought me a warm jacket for winter, which is very unlike him.

I think it must be the over tiredness getting to me. Now I know how poor little man feels when he hasn't slept for awhile and the smallest thing sets him off! I am also in a bit of a funk because he is currently refusing most bottles coming his way and most of his solids - how is he still smiling?! My  bets are that this is happening because of teething and his snuffly nose, but my God child, do you have any idea how on edge this gets me?! Constantly worrying about dehydration, hunger, his ability to sleep - it really does get too much sometimes! And his naps! How do they go from being lovely and long one day to basically non-existent the next? Today you would have thought he had never been to sleep before the way he battled and screamed with every attempt! News flash kid - you have these every day! And I would love to have a sleep every two and half hours, but society says no!

And poor other half! He hasn't even done anything wrong but I spit tacks at  him every time he tries a conversation! You would have thought that after four years of me he would know not to approach me in these situations, but I know he wants to get to the bottom of it!

Bottom line - I'm hungry, I'm tired, now just leave me the fuck alone!

Promise me we all feel like this sometimes?!

What a week....

You know, sometimes karma is a real bitch. And this week, ladies and gentlemen, it really came back to bite me in the ass.

First of all, I've been doing extra days at work to try and make a bit of money. Little guy comes with me and is perfect. So, there I was expecting a nice big pay and...not all of it went through. There goes my hair appointment.

Second of all, Thursday was the last day of term. This is always a big night out, and I had planned for it for weeks. We were going to an all you can eat and drink pizza place and I was so excited. However, in my excitement I forgot that I am now a mum who barely drinks away from home AND I got really, really, ridiculously drunk and I LOST MY PHONE! I mean, c'mon, my phone is my lifeline! Because my phone case is also a wallet I lost all my cards as well. I am still holding on to hope that someone will find it, see the name on my drivers license and look me up on Facebook.

The lucky part of that is my phone instantly backs up all my photos to Dropbox so I didn't lose any photos of Finn. Please people, make sure that you do that because I would have been devastated if I had lost them.

So, I have taken this as a message from beyond and have decided I need to sort my shit out big time. This means:

• No more attempting to drink copious amounts of wine and parent the next day
• Focusing on important things like getting my weight back down and being fit
• Not eating every piece of chocolate that has crossed my path
• Continue to write this blog so I don't let everything build up in my head and overload my teeny tiny brain

I started off yesterday by going for a run. However, because my other half is off fishing all weekend, this meant running with the pram. Up hills. I lasted one hill and decided to walk up and run down. I can't be too adventurous people. I also got up this morning and went for a run with no pram (don't worry, I didn't leave the baby at home, Mum rescued me) and I ran for half an hour! With the fat dog! So we are doing well!

I have also set myself a goal - to complete the Auckland Half Marathon again. If I have something in sight then I know I can do it. Although I have done it in just under two hours before, I am going to give myself the goal this year just to complete it. Life is so much harder with a baby, and I need to factor that in!

Have a great Easter everybody, roll around in chocolatey goodness and start the diet next week!

Babies and Exercise

I would like to take you back in time to 2013 - I had no baby, a full time job, and was the fittest I have ever been in my life.

Athleticism does not come naturally to me, I was always okay at sport, never really that fit and was incredibly lazy. I have struggled with my weight since I was about 7 years old, a cheeseburger goes straight to my thighs. Eating is something that has always consumed my life. I am always thinking about it - what I am going to eat next, should I or shouldn't I eat that piece of pizza, what to buy when I go to the supermarket.

However, in 2013 I was FIT. Like proper fit. A typical week consisted of 4-5 runs (lengths varied from 5 - 13kms at a time), two sessions of boot camp and a game of indoor netball. I cut out all crap from my diet, did a 21 Day Sugar Detox and was the slimmest I have ever been. The icing on the cake for me was completing the Auckland Half Marathon in 1hr 59mins, squeezing in just under my goal of two hours.

I honestly believe that my body being in such an optimal position was how I got pregnant without even trying to. During the early stages of my pregnancy I kept trying to run, although exhaustion got the better of me in the end. Boot camp became too much as the instructor wasn't great at giving alternative exercises. So, throughout my pregnancy, I did a lot of walking the dog and managed to stay rather fit. While I was overdue, I was walking up hills every morning, trying to get this baby out (it did not good - he was nine days late!). On reflection, keeping up with exercise was probably how I bounced back so well from my labour, and was out and about really quickly.

Unfortunately, I have found it really hard to get back into exercise since my little man came along. Although I have lost more of the weight, my tummy has that little pooch to it that just won't go away. My commitment to healthy eating has gone out the door due to being too lazy to spend time making it. Poor Sam the dog has felt it as well, and his days of being long and lean appear to be behind him.

BUT NOT ANYMORE!

Today, ladies and gentlemen, I went for a RUN. In fact two runs! My partner and big boy did a fun run, and I was meeting them at the end. I parked my car and started going for walk when the skies opened up on us. First stop was a cafe to hide, and enjoy a coffee and a muffin. We (Finn and myself) then had to make our way to the finish line, which resulted in me running very fast in the pouring rain. Boys finished, we celebrated, then we got home and I had the serious guilt trip going on! This resulted in me hauling my chubby pup out on to the footpath for 2.63kms of running. Yes, I understand that this small, but we did it very fast, and I did have to drag poor pup up the a lot of hills. So I am going to be proud of that.

Watch this space people, before you know it I will be doing regular hour long runs again! Woohoo!

Baby Sales

So, today was the day. I day I have been waiting for for quite a while now. A day that I always mark in my calendar, and do the proper preparations for.

The Farmers One Day 50% off all children and infant clothing.

Now, for those of you who don't know, Farmers is a small scale department store chain that is found in most New Zealand malls. It is one of those stores that you would never buy anything from full price. They often have smaller sales where clothes are 20-30% off, but it isn't very common that they have 50% off.

I am telling you people, it is carnage. Crazy mums pushing people out of the way with their prams, sending kids around aisles to grab things and many small, tired children being dragged around the store for a few hours, trying on hundreds of different things.

Normally I am so prepared for this day. Baby bag packed, a list of things that are needed for both Finn and Dom, and my man's eftpos card (so he can pay for everything).

However, my plans were ruined today. There are many reasons for this:

1. I had completely forgotten the sale was on today. Rookie mistake.
2. Finn fell asleep in the car on the way home from work so I left him sleeping in there and took his bag out of the car.
3. I didn't give myself enough time to write a list. I just went for it.

And, well, it didn't end how I had hoped.

Pulled into the mall carpark, managed to get one undercover and by the door - all is going well so far! Start hooking up the front pack (you never take prams to these sales, they get in the way of manic grabbing) and notice a strange smell wafting out of my passengers butt.

Uh oh, this is a total time waster but needs to be dealt to immediately. Go to grab the baby bag and...it isn't there. I have left the house nappiless and wipeless. Amateur.

The big decision. Do I drive back home and grab them (a good 8 minute drive) or do I pretend I haven't smelt it and chuck him in the front pack. I am sorry to say that I went with the latter.

Walk into the store, all I can smell is my poor babe and his shitty bum. Decide this will be quick. But, oh no, there are so many options! And I need to find a rain jacket for the big boy! I scramble through, picking up, putting down, all the while people are turning up their noses, looking around for the foul smell. I copy them, looking round, pretending to be oblivious to the fact that it is in fact my little stinker.

$112 later, I walk out. Not my best shop, I must say, but definitely some great bargains in there.

Love me a good Farmers sale!

Get to the car and realise that I now have to deal with this smell on the way home and it is bucketing down. This means windows up. Lord save me.

Why I love my neighbour!

One of the problems with being a mum is that constant fear of being judged. Everybody has an opinion on parenting and, quite often, your opinion is not the same and the person doing the judging.

I have to admit, I am one of those mum's who is very laid back. I try not to let things stress me out, and you could never accuse me of "smothering" my baby. In fact, I encourage people other than myself to hold and play with Finn, and it has been like that since day one.

Which leads me to my neighbour. She is AWESOME. And I barely even talk to her. I just listen.

She has two girls, one of which is around four and the other around seven, and they sound like a handful. You often hear them screaming at one another, calling each other names, and then the tears. But, what I love, is how my neighbour handles them.

Literally five minutes ago, the smaller of the two girls was throwing the largest wobbly I have heard in a long time. She was on the trampoline with her sister, and, when asked to get off, she SCREAMED. It was earth shattering, ear piercing, all that jazz! So, what did mum do? Instead of getting in an argument with her, she got on the tramp, chucked her over her shoulder kicking and screaming, and walked her into the house.

Now that, my friends, is my kind of parenting!