My Blended Family

When I talk about my family, it is often received by others as one that they cannot understand. I think it must be because they have never experienced a situation like mine, so therefore cannot relate.

Let me tell you a little bit about my household.

Alex (male) - 31 years, photographer, originally from England, then the Kapiti Coast (NZ) and Auckland for the past 13 years or so.

Alex (female) - also known as Allie to avoid confusion with others/ourselves, 25 years, primary teacher/SAHM, born in Hong Kong to New Zealand/English parents, lived in Auckland for the past 22 years.

Dominic - 8 years, son of Alex (male) with a previous partner, lives with us 50% of the time.

Finn - nearly 7 months, child of both Alex's, half brother to Dominic.

So, why would people think this is strange? Well, Alex and I have been together since I was 21, and Dominic was 5. Not many 21 year olds would  be that keen to take on a 5 year old! However, I did, and have lived happily with him 50% of the time for the past three years. With a "stepchild" (he refers to me as his stepmum even though I'm not married to his Dad) obviously comes the complication of an ex-girlfriend  being heavily involved in our life. I manage my very best to keep this a positive relationship - we often have a cup of tea during drop off/pick off, when her babies were born I went and visited with food (and she did the same for me), we send Snapchats to each other, and we both try and do what is best for Dom. Obviously, there are moments of tension between my partner and her, and I do my best to stay out of it. Sometimes it is really hard. In fact, nearly all of the time. But I let them deal with it.

There is also the other strain that people don't understand and realise. The strain of not having my partner to myself for so long. Wanting some time to go out in the weekend, and make plans but we couldn't because it was a "kid" weekend. This is harder now that we have Finn,  but in my pre-mummy life this was often an issue for me. And yes, there was definitely that niggly feeling of resentment every now and then. Don't get me wrong, I love my stepson and would have done anything for him, but there was often that hint of annoyance if his presence would impose on my plans!

Since becoming a mum myself, I have had a huge shift in my thinking. I now understand my partner's hurt at only have him half of the time. How he misses him constantly, and therefore wants to make the most of his time with him. And it makes me feel like a total bitch for the times I ever complained.

I also now understand that there is a reason why my stepson can be needy at times. He lives in two households, both of which have children under 16 months old. At his mum's house he has two brothers, both born within 14 months of each other, plus Finn thrown in the middle. That can't be easy for anyone, let alone an eight year old!

But, I am also lucky enough to have a stepson who loves his little brother more than anything in the world. He cuddles him when he's crying, gives him kisses constantly, and is the only person who can make Finn smile at any time of the day! And that to me is pretty bloody awesome!