Outta My Control...

So last night it became very clear to me that, quite often, things are out of our control and no matter what we do, we have to sit by and watch.

At about 9.30 last night, my little man woke up with a barking cough. It also became very clear to us that he was working really hard to get his breaths in. Sweat poured off him, but it was clammy and cold. Although not distressed, he was pale and wasn't grabbing at anything or wanting to play, and he was clinging on to my other half. If you know my boy, you know this is very out of character! So we got on the phone to Plunket, who then put us through to Healthline (at this point I was panicking). As soon as the lady heard Finn's cough and noisy breathing she called an ambulance. Yes, an ambulance. At this point it was taking every part of me to hold back tears. I can tell you now, you never realise how much you love your child until you think there might be something wrong. When the sirens got closer, the horrible thought of, "Those sirens are for my baby" crept into my mind and it was too much.

Before I knew it, bubs and me were sitting in the back of the ambulance en route to hospital. In the ambulance he got hooked up to a heart rate monitor and it became clear he was definitely fighting to get those breaths in. It was definitely the worst twenty minutes of my life.

By the time we got to the hospital, bubs was looking much better. His breathing was still up, but everything else seemed to have calmed down. He wasn't coughing as much, but his coughs were still sounding like an old smokers, and his breathing was still a little raspy.

Diagnosis - a pretty hefty case of croup. Cue a dose of steroids, an observation for three hours, and a pretty miserable baby.

A very tired Finn and his mama at 12.30 am!

It is very rare that my little boy will fall asleep on me anymore, but that was how he slept for most of last night and for his naps today. So bittersweet - I miss my baby cuddles,  but I don't want them if it means he is in pain.

As I said before, a lot of things are out of our control. And it is horrific. I have never been in an ambulance in my 25 years, and my poor boy had to experience one at six months old. But that is life, and I am lucky that it wasn't any worse. Too many of the other kids in the emergency department got sent off to Starship because their situations were too extreme to be dealt with at North Shore Hospital. We didn't even have a bed last night because it was full up - apparently that is a pretty typical night.

So, when things get out of your control, cuddle your baby, kiss your baby, and hopefully everything will be okay.