Why I really am useless....

So I promised myself that I would really throw everything into this blog to help keep me sane. Alas, I completely forgot about it. BUT I AM BACK. And I intend to stay back.

So, what has been happening in the six or so weeks that I wasn't writing? Well...

1) I started back at work part time. Love the work. Hate the mornings.
2) This coincided with my darling boy starting day care. I cried. He didn't. That was how that went.
3) My boy got BIG. Like really big. See below:

4) I met a level of exhaustion that I did not know was possible. Holy heck.

So, because talking about your own baby can bore people to no end (trust me, I know!), I am instead , going to enlighten you on my current path down the road of complete and utter mind numbing exhaustion.

At first, I honestly thought I was handling the whole part time working, part time stay at home mum thing so well. I managed to straighten my hair in the morning, have the baby fed and clothed, and be out the door by 7.30. However, things started changing. Very slowly, the hair got messier. The lipstick got muckier. The eyes got redder. The baby started wearing clothes that were not okay to be out in public. Caffeine became my best friend. And I got confused.

Why was this happening all of a sudden?

Why do people look at me like I am an alien from another planet?

Why can I smell my armpits?

And then it hit me. This is what a working mother starts out as. Learning to determine how much time you need to allocate, learning to know what is actually important and what can be ditched (hint - do not ditch showering!), and continuing to be a caring mum whilst stressing about what is going on at work.

So, we learnt to time manage. I say we, because you need to have your other half involved in this. And we created a routine. It works a bit like this:

• At home days - other half comes home from work and does bath and bedtime. If I haven't already sorted dinner then I do that while this is going on.
• At work days - I do pick up and drop off. Because I tend to be running a little early to beat traffic, Finn and I have a morning date at Robert Harris. I love this so much, especially because Finn tends to be happiest in the morning so I get lots of smiles and cuddles. When we get home, I get to play with him, and then one of us does bed and bath while the other does dinner. 
• Weekends - no routine at all. Oh, and apparently no sleep ins...

Of course, when I am at home with him I make the most of the time to puree up some veges and meat (most horrendous job ever), avoid doing the housework and do little activities with Finn.

It is hard when you realise you are not the "perfect" mother. My boy is hardly breastfed anymore (his choice) except for in the middle of the night when he refuses to get off, I have given him far too many fingers foods that probably aren't the best, my new dinner choices involve ones that I can blend up, and I have definitely shoved us both in front of the TV so I can catch up on shows. But it is important to realise that no mother is perfect. Yes, even the exclusively breastfeeding, organic giving, co-sleeping earth mothers that have committed all of their time to their little babes. They manage to screw it up as well sometimes.

It is the small things that count. Like cuddling your baby, even when they are attempting to squirm away from you and then scream in your face. Sitting outside every now and then to have lunch. Going down to the park and letting your six month old in the swing, even when a group of judgey mums are whispering about it.

All that matters is you love your child, even if they are the cause of your legs going unshaven for one week. In the middle of summer.

So now I add to my list:

5) I realised there is no way to be the perfect mum. And I am totally okay with that.